Wednesday, January 31, 2007

The Road goes ever on and on........

There is a part of a poem/song by J.R.R. Tolkien that seems to have struck a chord with me. A chord that sounds every so often when I am feeling depressed. So, I thought I'd share this as well..........


The Road goes ever on and on
Down from the door where it began.
Now far ahead the Road has gone,
And I must follow, if I can,
Pursuing it with eager feet,
Until it joins some larger way
Where many paths and errands meet.
And whither then? I cannot say.


These lines seem to have become my motto these past few years. Infact, they seem to have been the directions to the path I seem to have followed ever since I first gained control over my senses..........

These lines, however, are neither the end, nor the beginning. For the poem in its totality seems to read thus.

Roads go ever ever on,
Over rock and under tree,
By caves where sun has shone,
By streams that never find the sea:
Over snow by winter sown,
And through the merry flowers of June,
Over grass and over stone,
And under mountains in the moon.

Roads go ever ever on
Under cloud and under star,
Yet feet that wandering have gone
Turn at last to home afar.
Eyes that fire and sword have seen
And horror in the halls of stone
Look at last on meadows green
And trees and hills they long have known.

The Road goes ever on and on
Down from the door where it began.
Now far ahead the Road has gone,
And I must follow, if I can,
Pursuing it with eager feet,
Until it joins some larger way
Where many paths and errands meet.
And whither then? I cannot say.

Still round the corner there may wait
A new road or a secret gate;
And though I oft have passed them by,
A day will come at last when I
Shall take the hidden paths that run
West of the Moon, East of the Sun.

In the small amount of poetry that I've read over the years, this seems to hold some special significance in my life. Even though I seem to identify with it as a whole, the third stanza seems to hold special meaning for me.............. Do YOU identify with any of it........ Do let me in on your thoughts............

An Interesting Story......

A year or so before I moved base to Delhi, I came across a piece of prose by Gulzar, an excellent piece. So, when I came across it again very recently, I felt like sharing it...........


Michelangelo
Translated by Alok Bhalla


Michelangelo had once again been away from Florence for five years. He was beginning to tire of Rome. He couldn't find a place for his painting in Rome. The faces there didn't seem to have any character - they all looked alike. That's what he told Pope Julius II.

"What do you see in my face?" Julius asked.

"A burning candle."

After a moment's pause, Julius smiled. He was used to Michel's caustic comments. "Yes, I understand what you mean. I am like any of those thousand candles which people light on the altar of the cathedral when they are in trouble."

Michel remained silent.

"I am surprised that in this vast creation of God, where no face resembles another, you can't find a face for your painting - can't find a model. During the last four months, the face of Judas ..."

Before he could finish his sentence, Michelangelo had walked out of St. Peter's.

Pope Julius was familiar with Angelo's moods. That was Angelo's fifth year in Rome. For five years, he had been painting scenes from the Old and New Testaments on the dome and the walls of the Sistine Chapel. And now that it was nearing completion, Julius didn't want to spoil his relationship with Angelo. Julius remembered that when Michelangelo had carved an image of Jesus in wood for the Church of the Holy Spirit, his model had been a young man who had suddenly died in the monastery. Because of Angelo, they had had to delay lifting his coffin for twelve hours.

Michelangelo wasn't like Bramante who created figures according to rules. That is why the shape and form of Bramante's characters were always the same ... they seemed to belong to the same family. He had dismissed Bramante and once again made peace with Angelo.

Five years ago, when Michelangelo returned to Rome, he used to lie under the dome St. Peter's for hours and mumble something to himself. Julius began to have doubts about his mental stability. Once, when Julius quietly walked upto him, he heard him reciting verses from the Bible.

"What are you doing?"

"O!" Michelangelo turned to look at the Pope with a start. "I am unveiling the verses from the bible."

Julius understood him. He was looking for faces in the white-washed brick walls. Jesus's face, Mary's face, Judas's face. The shapes of their bodies were visible, but their faces were hidden in the verses of the Bible.

Michelangelo had drawn many sketches of Gabriel's face on paper. Julius had asked, "How did you draw Gabriel's face? He doesn't belong to this world."

"I heard his voice. In the Old Testament."

"Then you must have also heard the voice of God?" Julius had asked jokingly.

"I have heard His silence."

That had convinced Julius that he had chose the right artist. "He's an eccentric," he had told Vatican Committee, "but only he can paint the Sistine Chapel."

Michelangelo had chosen his mother as the model for Mary. He had done so on the day he had seen her carry two drums of water hung on a Bamboo across her shoulder. Only a woman like her could have carried the weight of the son of God in her womb.

His mother had lit a fire and was heating water for his father's bath. He had closely watched her face glowing in the light of the fire - radiant, warm, brilliant like gold, and made lots of sketches of her face on paper.

That night, as she sat near the stove, he had asked her, "Why didn't you give birth to Jesus?"

"Because I met your father. Look at him lying there inebriated. Go and look after him."

Angelo had immediately made a sketch of his stupefied father on a piece of cardboard and had hung it up next to him, so that his father could see what he looked like when he was drunk. Beneath it he had written, "Father, if you hadn't been like this, Mother could have been Mary."

His mother had liked the sketch very much, she had always kept it with her. "Why don't you carve an image of your father like this. He looks so innocent."

He had always evaded her by saying, "I can't find that piece of marble in which I can see father's face."

That had happened a long time ago. They used to live in Bologna in those days, the pub at the corner of the lane was her favourite haunt. It was also his father's favourite haunt. His father used to drink inside, while he used to take his bottle and sit outside. He used to frequently buy peanuts from a vendor who used to sit across from him. Everytime the vendor weighted peanuts, a few always rolled out of his basket and fell on the ground. Each time a small naked boy standing nearby would pick them up, put one nut in his mouth and the rest back in the basket, and then wait for the next customer. Michelangelo used to buy peanuts just to watch that performance. When he made the statue of the Madonna of Brujis, he used the boy as the model for the naked baby Jesus.

Soon after, the Pope first asked Michelangelo to paint scenes from the Ola and New Testaments on the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel. Michelangelo had gone to Rome to meet the Pope because every painter and sculptor in Italy was ready to sacrifice his body and soul to be awarded the commission. It would be enough to win him immortality. But for Michelangelo the mere promise if immortality wasn't enough, he had laid down some conditions for his mortal life here. He needed money to buy marble. Pope Julius had promised him some but had later refused to pay him.

"Why do you love stone so much? Why don't you love colours?"

Colours lose their distinctiveness when used with other colours. They change. Marble doesn't change."

Now he was as tired of colours as he was of Rome.

He only had one panel of the Chapel left to paint - The Last Supper, but he drew a blank whenever he tried to imagine one face - the face of Judas he thirteenth disciple of Jesus, who had betrayed his saviour to the Romans for thirty pieces of silver. He had helped to crucify him.

Julius grew more and more impatient.

Michelangelo spent days and days making sketches. He searched through his old drawings and worked on them, but no face satisfied him.


And then suddenly, one day he found Judas in a small, dirty pub in Rome. His eyes had unnatural glitter, he was restless and he spat again and again. His body had already begun to sag with age. He spoke so fast that words seemed to fall out of his mouth like coins from a torn pocket. He had gone to Michelangelo to beg for a dinar, but had ended up sharing a bottle with him. When Michelangelo came out of the pub, he saw the man ask someone else for two dinars.

Michelangelo made a deal with the man and took him to the chapel. He told him what he wanted. He wanted him to model for Judas. That would make the man immortal. Michelangelo lifted up the drapes to show him the walls and the ceiling. The man looked at everything with awe. He asked for a large sum of money in exchange for his consent. Angelo agreed to pay him. Then the man asked for an advance which Michelangelo gave. The man came regularly for a few days. Angelo used to call him to the Chapel for sittings. One day, as the man was looking through some old sketches, he asked Michelangelo about the sketches of the child he had made in Bologna.

"I used to live in Bologna years ago. I used this face to paint Jesus as a child."

"Do you remember his name?"

"Yes ... Marsoleni."

That man smiled. He rolled up his sleeve and showed him a name tattooed on his arm: Marsoleni.

"I am the same Jesus, whom you are now painting as Judas."


I don't how much of the above story is fact, and how much is fiction. But it seems to touch me in some undefinable way..... Do share your reactions on the same with me.....

Monday, January 22, 2007

A Thought..........

Today, while watching a documentary on Shahrukh Khan, I recalled a thought train, that I had lost some time back........ I've always wondered why people get snaps or autographs from celebrities they meet...... Why do people place values in these trinkets??? I'd rather cherish the experience........

In Mumbai, I used to live in an area called Oshiwara. A name which was quite unknown when I lived there, and a place that I believe has since become The place to live in. At the point of time when I lived there, I had celebrities all around me............ I mean old-time cricketer Mohinder Amarnath used to live right above my house, then we had the Roy brothers.... i.e. Rohit and Ronit Roy living across from my place, I even had Juhi Chawla living 5 minutes down the road. The area should very well have been turned into a Film City, since we used to see the shooting for one movie or the other every day...... I mean living there I met most of the big names in Bollywood. For the shoot of the movie 'One 2 Ka 4', the production team had constructed the house where Jackie Shroff lived in the movie just outside Juhi Chawla's house...... Everyday after school, my friends and me, we used to get together at the build for Bike rides with Shahrukh Khan, or we used to play around with him and Jackie Shroff, what we used to do was run around while the two of them used to try and hose us all down....... Used to be loads of fun.........

Time passes and people change............ sometimes there are new additions, while at others there are subtractions................. But its our memories that remain, and it is these that provide the basis for our identity............ Why trust them to paper and plastic that are lost in the mists of time, are over time tucked away under piles of rubbish to lose their importance............. To lose the value that we allocate to them in our life..........

Saturday, January 20, 2007

Reading Addiction : Someone Help Me!!!! I need Rehab!!!!!

People get addicted to drugs, they get addicted to smoking!!! They even get addicted to drinking!!!! But, I seem to have become an extreme case of the wierdest kind of addiction, that of BOOK addiction..............
I seem to have fallen in love with novels and the completely fantastical world that they provide. They seems to provide a safe haven, or rather a type of utopia to me............. Utopia in the very narrow sense cause it results in my losing sync with reality............... Nowadays, all I seem to feel like doing is reading............ I get up, and the first thing I want to reach for is a novel!!! I don't feel like going to sleep because I want to read, read, and just keep on reading!!!! I mean once I start a series........... I just can't stop myself from going out and buying all the books in it!!! I just can't bear the suspense anymore.......... I just have to complete them!!!

Friday, January 19, 2007

Tired.................

I am tired of thinking about what I want to do in life!!! I know it needs to be worked on, know that it is perhaps the most crucial decision of my life...................... but I don't seem to have the will anymore................. I look at everyone around me doing something productive, something that gives them satisfaction and I think why am I not in that group, but the answer I receive is not the one I want to receive................. A recent talk, or rather not so recent talk with a dear friend reminded me about the hard work that she puts in to achieve her goals. But, I don't seem to have the courage or the will to do anything about my situation........... I meet my friends, and all I seem to want from them is sympathy and pity.................. I seem to have lost all interest in achieving something in life.......... I know that what is lost cannot be brought back, and that there is no sense in living in the past........... No sense in living in a fantastical dream, always hoping for something extraordinary, but never doing anything to grasp it.
I know that all I require, to improve on my situation, is to put in some hard work, but I still can't seem to be able to do anything about it. I am just too lazy for it. My laziness seems to have reached a level so extreme that it has indeed become very tough to be able to do anything about it. Sitting at home over a period of time kinda limits your view of a situation, you tend to take a pessimistic view of any situation and that's what seems to be happening to me. What I mean is that a couple of weeks ago I suddenly got an urge to relearn some programming languages so that I can use them to modify certain programs. There was no real point to this exercise, and I was only interested in it for the sake of geekiness. So, I open the books and just go blank................. For the next thing I know, I've gone ahead and given up on it.
My biggest problem currently seems to be my fear of failure. 'Fear of failure' here encompasses a very large sphere of things I am afraid to fail in, but it mainly centres around my fear of being unable to utilise the best opportunities available to me. I know what needs to be done to curb these tendencies, I know that I shouldn't give in to such depressing thought processes............. but I just can't seem to be able to find the strength to overcome these hurdles!!!!! Someone please help me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Life : A Journey (Part 2)

It's now close to a decade since I moved from Mumbai....... The City of Dreams. To me, it truly seemed to have been a dream.............. a dream with a rather harsh ending but a dream none the less........... The experiences from this phase of my life have taught me to live each day as it comes. To revel in life while I can, cause tomorrow might not be as rosy as today was.......... What I miss, perhaps miss more than anything else in my life is the quality of life that I had lead then. By quality I mean not the standard of living that I enjoyed, but rather the general environment. It was a period of my life when everything seemed to be going just right (except perhaps my Hindi and Marathi classes in School, but then, I never was any good at these languages).......... My friends from this time have been my most cherished, they have been the pillars of support in my life, the people with whom I shared more of my life, than with anyone, at any other time.
If you have been to Mahabaleshwar or Ratnagiri during the monsoons, you will have encountered the misty rains that we have there............ Instead of pouring, the rain there seems to fall like a curtain swaying lightly in a breeze. This rain, so gentle, that it totally and comletely energises a person, one seems to be in a constant state of euphoria, caused not due to the intake of some drug, but due to the caress of mother natures fleeting tickles............... This is how my time in Mumbai seemed like. I won't say that this period of my life wasn't materialistically enjoyable, 'cause it definitely was! But, I would definitely lay more stress on those moments spent in the company of my friends and family, and on those moments where the bond with nature took precedence over all others.
It was during my stay in this region that I first encountered my love for, or rather my fascination with nature, while still living in Vashi I once went on a trip to the neighbouring countryside with my best friend and his father. The trip was for us to explore the empty expanses near Belapur, at a time when Belapur had barely grown to more than a small village, quite unlike the city-styled subarb that it is today. We left our scooter at a safe spot near the road behind a couple of bushes and decided to venture out into the undergrowth on foot. This short trek left us exhilarated and me in love with the idea of going on treks. An idea that I was able to realise a little later along my life.
And here ends another installment of this really long post. Hope to venture a little further into my life on a later date.

Monday, January 15, 2007

Life : A Journey (Part 1)

It seems to me that I have led a nomadic lifestyle, since even before I gained control over my senses....... My earliest memories seem to belong to places in the eastern part of the country, namely Danapur, Jamshedpur and Mugalsarai. My memories from these places are mainly fragments, you-know a peek here, a peek there........ There doesn't seem to be any sort of definite timeline to the events that I recall from this period of my life................ A major portion of these memories are centered around my Doberman named Toffee........ A name I had the credit of bestowing on him.......... A name that stuck with him throughout the fourteen long years of his life.
A little further along my life, my memories gain a little order, though still as fragmented as ever. These new memories are from the time spent in Goa. My Goan memories are centered, more or less around the Miramar beach there............. I have memories of strolls along the beach, fo swimming right throught the rainy season, of the the preparations for my Birthday Party being blown away by a sudden storm, of going to a school which also just happened to have been on the beach!! My life there seems to have been centered around my swimming classes, my cycling on the beach and my school................ Goa is one of the more treasured places on my list of places where I've lived..................
Next up is Vashi in Navi Mumbai, a place where I spent 4 long years of my life........... the memories from this period onwards seem more or less organised............ One could say, the Period when I finally got a hold on my "senses". The memories from this period of my life seem to have been my most satisfied ones.............. Life seems to have been a breeze, with sudden trips to the interior, or rather coastal reaches of Maharashtra, my drawing classes, karate classes etc. taking the lead..........
After this period was a minor shift in life, which left some major impact............. This shift was our shift to the subarbs, with us now living in Andheri(W)........... This is the period, when my life first started becoming a chain of coincidences. It so happened, that our shift to this new area, led to me changing my school............... This new school my parents wanted me to join required me to give an entrance exam. While giving the exam, I got 'round to talking to the the girl sitting across from me for the exam and we became friends, soon after, when we got back to the Principal's Office, we learnt that our parents just happened to be old friends!! When I finally joined school, and was travelling by the school bus, I learnt that she was there in my bus as well!!! Talking about coincidences, when I finally got to class came the biggest shock of all!!!! She was there tooo!!!!!............ It was during this phase of my life that I developed some of my most cherished friendships as well................. My experience during this stay is such as I had, perhaps, never had before (except maybe in Goa), and which I believe has left me forever prejudiced in its favour!!!
More soon......................................