Tired.................

I am tired of thinking about what I want to do in life!!! I know it needs to be worked on, know that it is perhaps the most crucial decision of my life...................... but I don't seem to have the will anymore................. I look at everyone around me doing something productive, something that gives them satisfaction and I think why am I not in that group, but the answer I receive is not the one I want to receive................. A recent talk, or rather not so recent talk with a dear friend reminded me about the hard work that she puts in to achieve her goals. But, I don't seem to have the courage or the will to do anything about my situation........... I meet my friends, and all I seem to want from them is sympathy and pity.................. I seem to have lost all interest in achieving something in life.......... I know that what is lost cannot be brought back, and that there is no sense in living in the past........... No sense in living in a fantastical dream, always hoping for something extraordinary, but never doing anything to grasp it.

I know that all I require, to improve on my situation, is to put in some hard work, but I still can't seem to be able to do anything about it. I am just too lazy for it. My laziness seems to have reached a level so extreme that it has indeed become very tough to be able to do anything about it. Sitting at home over a period of time kinda limits your view of a situation, you tend to take a pessimistic view of any situation and that's what seems to be happening to me. What I mean is that a couple of weeks ago I suddenly got an urge to relearn some programming languages so that I can use them to modify certain programs. There was no real point to this exercise, and I was only interested in it for the sake of geekiness. So, I open the books and just go blank................. For the next thing I know, I've gone ahead and given up on it.

My biggest problem currently seems to be my fear of failure. 'Fear of failure' here encompasses a very large sphere of things I am afraid to fail in, but it mainly centres around my fear of being unable to utilise the best opportunities available to me. I know what needs to be done to curb these tendencies, I know that I shouldn't give in to such depressing thought processes............. but I just can't seem to be able to find the strength to overcome these hurdles!!!!! Someone please help me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!